never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
