Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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