Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
