I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
