I looked at my own cervix.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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