that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
