Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
