Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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