pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
