If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize