I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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