he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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