You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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