I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
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I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
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Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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