I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
