2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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