I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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