walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
