I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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