how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
