tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
50% drunk capacity currently
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
