In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
