no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
