last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
