My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
