Already got asked if we're dating
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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