UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
