I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
