i permit you to call me
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
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I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
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