I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize