oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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