i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
