OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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