Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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