You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
