You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize