Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
