it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Randomize
