He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
