i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
