We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Randomize
