i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
