I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
