she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
