So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
