Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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