i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
