I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
there's paper in my vomit.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
