There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Randomize
