I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
