I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
