do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
