Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
