thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
