operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
