I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
