Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
