yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
