Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
