I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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