When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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