Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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