I need help removing her.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
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