Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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