I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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