Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
This is the high leading the old right now
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
My bed smells like the plague
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
