he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
