Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
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