I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
