I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
