how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
