You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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