Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
