i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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