He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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