We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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