im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
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