While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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